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1 Most Excellent Jokes on Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:40 pm

I recently went to the Doctor and I said "Help, I've got a strawberry growing out of my head".

"No problem, I've got some cream for that", he replied...

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2 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Mon Apr 19, 2010 9:44 pm

HAHAHARDYHO!

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3 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 20, 2010 3:24 pm

Crumpet Face


I am beloved of the Guac!
I pictured Matt Smith saying that. Am I strange?

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4 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:13 pm

Crumpet Face wrote:I pictured Matt Smith saying that. Am I strange?

Yes, you are, but not just because of that!

Why was Cheryl Cole jealous of the Icelandic volcano? It's still blowing Ash...

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5 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:40 pm

Crumpet Face


I am beloved of the Guac!
These jokes are rubbish! I've heard them all before!

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6 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 20, 2010 9:15 pm

El Frog


Admin
I recently applied to the local blacksmith for a job.

"Have you got any experience shoeing horses?" he asked.

"No" I replied "but I did tell a donkey to sod off yesterday..."


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7 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Wed Apr 21, 2010 9:58 pm

Jeremy


I am beloved of the Guac!
El Frog wrote:I recently applied to the local blacksmith for a job.

"Have you got any experience shoeing horses?" he asked.

"No" I replied "but I did tell a donkey to sod off yesterday..."

This joke was better in its full sweary glory! MadThumbs Up

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8 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:57 pm

El Frog


Admin
Jeremy wrote:This joke was better in its full sweary glory! MadThumbs Up

El Frog Indeed, but I chose not to invoke the swear filter by saying love! Mad Thumbs Up





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9 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:59 pm

El Frog


Admin
Oh yes, and while I'm at it: I have just finished reading a book about the digestive system. It starts well enough, but the ending is total crap!


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10 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:26 am

El Frog


Admin
Moreover, did you hear(s) about the Dutchman who was intent on making inflatable versions of their traditional shoes?

He popped his clogs!


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11 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:59 pm

Here's another joke:

A dyslexic man walked into a bra...

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12 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat Apr 24, 2010 10:19 pm

Gravity


I am beloved of the Guac!
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a river. One screams to the other, "How do I get on the other side?"

The first one yells back, "You ARE on the other side!"

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13 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat Apr 24, 2010 10:26 pm

El Frog


Admin
Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac atheist?


He lay awake at night, wondering if there was such a thing as a dog...


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14 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 27, 2010 3:12 pm

theultimatefish


I am beloved of the Guac!
El Frog wrote:Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac atheist?


He lay awake at night, wondering if there was such a thing as a dog...

That... actually made me laugh. Red Face

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15 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 27, 2010 9:31 pm

baz6174


I am beloved of the Guac!
Two blonds arguing in the woods:
"They are deer tracks."
"No, they are badger tracks."
"Deer!"
"Badger!"
They were still arguing when the train hit them.

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16 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 27, 2010 9:36 pm

baz6174


I am beloved of the Guac!
The catholic church have invented a new low-fat communion wafer. They are calling it "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

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17 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 27, 2010 9:40 pm

I'm good friends with a cannibal. He recently returned from a holiday, when he arrived I noticed that his leg was missing. When I asked him why it wasn't there, he told me "It was self-catering".

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18 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Tue Apr 27, 2010 11:21 pm

ImagineerTom


I am beloved of the Guac!
baz6174 wrote:The catholic church have invented a new low-fat communion wafer. They are calling it "I can't believe it's not Jesus"

:My shoes tremble with delight!!:

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19 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:57 am

El Frog


Admin
It was only while eating my bowl of cornflakes this morning that I realised that I was a cereal killer...


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20 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:21 am

RedCleft!


I am beloved of the Guac!
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

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21 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Thu Apr 29, 2010 7:32 pm

El Frog


Admin
My neighbour's youngest son was admitted to hospital today with 6 toy horses stuck up inside his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable...


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22 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat May 01, 2010 1:28 am

wagi


I am beloved of the Guac!

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23 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sun May 02, 2010 8:10 pm

wagi


I am beloved of the Guac!

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24 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Thu May 06, 2010 12:46 am

Andrew


I am beloved of the Guac!
When life gives you melons, you known your dyslexic

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25 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Fri May 07, 2010 9:32 am

RedCleft!


I am beloved of the Guac!

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26 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat May 08, 2010 6:39 pm

Adam


I am beloved of the Guac!
What is pink, silver, and runs into walls?

A baby with forks in it's eyes!

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27 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sat May 08, 2010 11:56 pm

wagi


I am beloved of the Guac!
You people have some odd place names over on that side of the pond...

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28 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sun May 09, 2010 9:49 pm

The Heth


I am beloved of the Guac!
I live near a place called Scratchy Bottom...




How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?

You wouldn't know man, you don't know the things we saw, you weren't there! YOU WEREN'T THEEEEERE!!!

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29 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Sun May 09, 2010 10:43 pm

El Frog


Admin
How many Oxford University students does it take to change a light bulb?

One - he stands, holding the bulb up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around him...


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30 Re: Most Excellent Jokes on Fri May 14, 2010 8:59 pm

baz6174


I am beloved of the Guac!
Cats and Dogs

What is a CAT?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.


What is a DOG?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss!
9. They go right to your crotch as soon as they meet you.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

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